Oh No!, I’m single (lol)
The Questions/ Comments:
“Why are you single?” I have been asked this question so many times. What am I supposed to say? “Uhhh, because I just met you” Or “Because there are no good men out there” (I don’t believe this to be the case at ALL. I know quite a few great ones, who were not the ones for me for different reasons—will share about this in another blog)
“Your standards are too high”
“You should go out more”
“I can’t wait to meet whoever you are going to end up with” Uhhh is this a compliment?
“Where is your husband?” My response a few times was “Still being molded as I am still being molded for him”. Or I have said “At home” OK OK I shouldn’t have said that.
Or my favorite “What is wrong with you?” Now, no one has actually asked me this to my face, but I know some have thought it, said it and are thinking it. But I have girlfriends who seem to get this question often. What is suppose to be the response to this question???
I was actually told while completing my PhD, that no men were going to want me b/c I was getting that degree. I have also been told that if I own a home, men aren’t going to want me. (Looks like I didn’t listen to either of these statements) My response “If there is a pool of 30 men who wanted me then (pre degree and home) and then the number decreases to 5 b/c I have a Phd and or a home, that’s fine because I didn’t have to do the work to weed them out and I am only going to marry one person. Surprisingly, I don’t get irritated at these questions/ statements; I find them quite humorous. I love how people love to focus more on others than themselves! Or try to figure us out. Heaven forbid there are women over 20, over 25, over 30, dare I say over 40 who are single. And OH NO, we have careers, and homes and travel. Oh my, we are aliens! I am single, and it’s ALL GOOD! Oh and I love this one—“but you’re so pretty”. Soooo… if I wasn’t pretty to them, then they would understand why I am single—what tha?!!!
(Please post other questions and comments you have heard in regards to being single in the comments section below–looking forward to reading them)
Encouragement:
I make light of the situation, but am well aware that there are fabulous women out there, who are not happy or content being single. To my single ladies of all ages, God’s Couture, who are happy or unhappy or frustrated about being single, I want to provide some encouraging words. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
We have all been there; wanting to meet someone, wanting to go out with a great guy, wanting the games to end. By the way, I would love to meet the man God has for me! But in the mean time, I am enjoying my life! We don’t need to get to the point to where we begin to settle, get angry at God, begin to substantially change who we are to fit some mold that is not us. Many think single women are at home, crying , unhappy, thinking something is wrong with us and desperate to meet a man. Well this is not at all the case for me!
SINGLENESS SHOULD NOT BE A BURDEN. It’s a blessing! It’s a great opportunity to serve. We should enjoy this time to get to know ourselves and God. Also, we often focus on relationships we don’t have. We should focus on our current relationships (friendships, parents, family, co-workers). When was the last time you hung out with friends and discussed each others lives without dating relationships or lack of dating dominating the conversation? My friends and I have been guilty of this.
We should not put our lives on hold waiting for a mate. Let’s enjoy life to the fullest NOW!
“God has placed each of us here for a purpose and we should be eagerly seeking to not only know, but to be actively engaged in that purpose for our lives. If you do not yet know your purpose, ask God.” http://www.christian-single-woman.com/index.html
Some scriptures on which to meditate:
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.- Isaiah 55:8-9
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.– James 1:5
Today’s Nugget: We spend so much time focusing on what we don’t have, that we overlook some of the great things we do have. In particular, focusing on a relationship in which we are not. There is nothing wrong with wanting more or wanting a mate, but we must acknowledge our many blessings. Think of your current relationships whether-friends, family, co workers. Do we spend the same amount of time on these relationships as we do on the ones we don’t even have? Select a current relationship and invest a little more time—maybe an additional phone call, email, writing on a facebook wall a week. Or just call them from time to time to see how they are doing and ask if they have any prayer requests. That’s all. A little goes a long way!
Upcoming Blogs:
No Sex in the City
All My Single Ladies-From a Male’s perspective
All My Single Ladies- Taking a look at ourselves
Until next time…Empower someone and make someone smile or laugh 🙂
Dr. G Speaks! 
Totally agree with the idea of spending time on the relationships you don’t have vs the one you have. I get accused a lot of enjoying being single too much because I don’t complain about it. I choose to believe that there is no reason to settle or force something that is not meant to be or to try and change people to fit your mould just so you can say you are in a relationship. I also believe that being single is a blessing in disguise, you’re being allowed more time to find out more about you (God’s couture). If you don’t know who you are and you become one with another who may or may not know themself, thats just a recipe for disaster!
Enjoyed reading your blog! Looking forward to the next topics….
Girl, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked why I was single, I wouldn’t be typing this response; I’d still be stacking paper! I agree that it is tough to provide an answer that would satisfy the inquiring minds of others. It seems as though that no matter what you say, it just isn’t a good enough answer. What I love (not really) is when people ask that question and then answer it before you can open your mouth to respond. Here are the top three reasons people tell me why I am single:
1) My standards are too high.–I can only imagine what lowered standards would get me. I’ve learned from watching other women. So, no thanks. I think I’ll stick to not accepting anything less than God’s best for me.
2) My appearance is too casual/relaxed outside of work.–Whether I’m taking out the trash, grocery shopping or working out, I’ve been told I should look like a top model. Whatever. I am not a top model. Besides, even top models take a day off and rock the casual/relaxed look. Saturday is my only day to chill. I can be comfortable and cute at the same time. If “he” expects more, than “he” ain’t the one!
3) I can’t cook.–This assessment is generational. Older people bring this up most of the time. I guess I’m supposed to learn how to cook and then bring my cooking skills up in conversation or post it on Facebook or something. Better yet, I could cook a big, wonderful meal, let the windows up so the mouth-watering aromas can escape my home and permeate the city’s air and sit back and listen to the stampede of compatible men rush to my door. Aaaahhh, yes…I’m going to buy a cookbook!
Well, as you can see, you could give a ridiculous answer to the “why are you single” question and it would still be better than my top three. You could try answering the question by asking a question, such as, “Do I look like I’m waiting to exhale?” Then start breathing laboriously so they’ll know that you are exhaling just fine. Good luck!
I enjoyed this post. Eventhough I wish that I weren’t single, I completely trust God’s plan for my life. Stay encouraged my sisters!
I’m a gay man in my late 20s and it is so interesting (and satisfying) to read that I am not the only person receiving the exact same comments and “compliments” about being single. I love this post. I can’t wait to read more.